Radio Archives

Dumpster Barbeque

Aw Mom, do we have to have meatloaf again?
Yeah, can’t we go out to the dumpster and have a barbeque, huh can we?

Let’s all have a dumpster barbecue
That is what we really want to do
Brown veggies with maggots – Oooh!
We’ll all have a dumpster barbecue

Throw in the torches, let’s fire it up
After it cools we’ll start to sup
Let’s all have a dumpster barbecue

We know it sounds incredible
But that trash is really edible
Let’s all have a dumpster barbecue

You don’t need a reservation
Jump right in without hesitation
Let’s all have a dumpster barbecue

We’ll jump right in and munch munch munch
If we find a squirrel it’ll be our lunch
Let’s all have a dumpster barbecue

We all sneak out at night
Looking for dumpsters left and right
Finding a dumpster’s exact location
Is a cause for celebration

Yeah party!
There’s a dumpster over there, let’s go!

Let’s all have a dumpster barbecue
That is what we really want to do
Brown veggies with maggots – Oooh!
We’ll all have a dumpster barbecue

If you’re looking for a great, great price
You can’t beat it and it gives you lice
Let’s all have a dumpster barbecue

For hungry people it’s just a craze
They eat normally on other days
Let’s all have a dumpster barbecue

Whatever you find is yours to eat
Gobble it down – don’t be neat
Let’s all have a dumpster barbecue

Who cares if it’s not good for you
Well, grab your fork – and eat a shoe
Let’s all have a dumpster barbecue

Let’s all have a dumpster barbecue
That is what we really want to do
Brown veggies with maggots – Oooh!
We’ll all have a dumpster barbecue

Comeback Jason

This is a very creepy song, good for Halloween parties. It’s a sequel to “My Friend Jason” by the Five Dementians. The song is a tribute to the 1984 film “Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter” in which the character Tommy Jarvis seemingly defeats Jason Voorhees with his own machete.

Chant: Scream-Cry-Bleed-Die

Our friend Jason’s back again
His killing reign will never end
Killing to the left and right
In the night-time or the light

Jason’s back – heads will roll
Folks will die, blood will flow
Jason’s out – he’s on the run
Killing people, having fun

Tommy’s here to break the rule
He’s here to replace our fiendish ghoul
Jason’s dead – he’s gone away
Tommy’s here – he’s here to stay

Don’t be foolish – stay inside
By this rule you must abide
Stay away from Crystal Lake
Or we’ll send flowers to your wake

The Barney Fred Song

A novelty song about cavemen and rogue asteroids, by The Five Dementians.

It’s too late for Barney
It’s too late for Fred
‘Cause there’s a rock
Falling onto your head!

It’s too late for Betty
It’s too late for Wilma
Because there’s a rock
Falling onto your head!

It’s too late for Bambam
It’s too late for Pebbles
Because there’s a rock
Falling onto your head!

It’s too late for us
It’s too late for you
Because there’s a rock
Aimed right at you (your head)!

Twinkle Twinkle Little Junkie

Sing to the tune of “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star”. This is not a lullaby! It’s a sad, melancholy tune about a drug addict caught up in his addiction with no way out.

Twinkle, twinkle, little junkie
Living in a life so funky
Making drug deals left and right
He will never see the light
Twinkle, twinkle, little junkie
Living in a life so funky

Snorting, snorting, powder white
Making him forget his plight
Always in the clouds so high
Living ’till another buy
Snorting, snorting, powder white
Makes his life a little bright

Shooting, shooting, up his veins
To forget his lifelong pains
Twitching, jerking, night and day
Seems to be his only play
Shooting, shooting, up his veins
Can’t he see that it’s insane

Dropping, dropping, L.S.D.
Makes him bang his head with glee
Floating freely in a trance
Like a ritualistic dance
Dropping, dropping, L.S.D.
He’ll be dead by April three

Snorting, snorting, powder white
Making him forget his plight
Always in the clouds so high
Living ’till another buy
Snorting, snorting, powder white
Makes his life a little bright

Twinkle, twinkle, little junkie
Living in a life so funky
Making drug deals left and right
He will never see the light
Twinkle, twinkle, little junkie
Living in a life so funky

My Friend Jason

Sung to the tune of “Old MacDonald Had A Farm”, the song is about Jason Voorhees, the villain from the Friday the 13th movies.

My friend Jason went to camp, Blood and Gore and Guts
He killed his first with two thousand amps, Blood and Gore and Guts
With a SHOCK SHOCK here and a SHOCK SHOCK there
Here a SHOCK, there a SHOCK, everywhere a SHOCK SHOCK
My friend Jason went to camp, Blood and Gore and Guts

My friend Jason had an axe, Blood and Gore and Guts
He buried it in people’s backs, Blood and Gore and Guts
With a CHOP CHOP here and a CHOP CHOP there
Here a CHOP, there a CHOP, everywhere a CHOP CHOP
My friend Jason had an axe, Blood and Gore and Guts

My friend Jason had a knife, Blood and Gore and Guts
He used that knife there all his life, Blood and Gore and Guts
With a SLICE SLICE here and a SLICE SLICE there
Here a SLICE, there a SLICE, everywhere a SLICE SLICE
My friend Jason had a knife, Blood and Gore and Guts

My friend Jason had a gun, Blood and Gore and Guts
He used that thing on everyone, Blood and Gore and Guts
With a BANG BANG here and a BANG BANG there
Here a BANG, there a BANG, everywhere a BANG BANG
My friend Jason had a gun, Blood and Gore and Guts

My friend Jason had a spear, Blood and Gore and Guts
He shoved it in my buddy’s ear, Blood and Gore and Guts
With a SQUISH SQUISH here and a SQUISH SQUISH there
Here a SQUISH, there a SQUISH, everywhere a SQUISH, SQUISH
My friend Jason had a spear, Blood and Gore and Guts

My friend Jason had some friends, Blood and Gore and Guts
All of them, they met their ends, Blood and Gore and Guts
With a BODY BODY here and a BODY BODY there
Here a BODY, there a BODY, everywhere a BODY BODY
My friend Jason had some friends, Blood and Gore and Guts

My friend Jason lives no more, Blood and Gore and Guts
Hacked up pieces by the door, Blood and Gore and Guts
With a LITTLE PIECE, here and a LITTLE PIECE there
Here a PIECE, there a PIECE, everywhere a PIECE PIECE
My friend Jason lives no more, Blood and Gore and Guts

The Five Dementians

Telling the story of the Five Dementians, an inpromptu singing group that I had a part in back in the 1980’s. We made a few novelty songs and mailed them to Dr. Demento to see if he would play them on his nationally broadcast radio show.

We had two goals: 1. to have fun. 2. to become famous like Weird Al Yankovic.